April 1, 2009

  • A Million Tiny Little Pieces

    I had meant to update for so long about life and the progressing pregnancy. Now I have to worst of all possible updates.

    Our dear, beloved son, Soren Emery was born still at 39weeks 5days on Sunday, March 29, 2009. He apparently died a few days before labor began. Maybe at some point I'll be able to write out the full story of what happened. But my heart is so broken that I just don't know if I can ever put it back together again. I loved him so much and wanted him so much and waited what felt like an eternity.

    He was 6lbs. 0oz., 18 inches long, with dark hair like his daddy. And just beautiful.

    I am still in the hospital and supposed to be released today. DH and I are going to go stay at my mom's house for a few days until we feel like we can face going home.

    I hate what this is doing to DH. I hate what this is doing to me. But more than any of that I  hate that the world will never know the sweet boy who grew for 9-10 months under my heart.

    I feel so lost and broken and like nothing will ever be any good again.

Comments (9)

  • Oh, no.  My heart is breaking for you.  Oh....

    May you and your husband find a way to be gentle and loving with yourselves as you move through your awful grief.

    I am sending you love.

  • There are no words.  There is no understanding of why.  I hate it.  I'm just so sorry.  I believe your beautiful boy, Soren is with God.  I'm just so sorry he couldn't be here with you, right now.  Thank you for sharing.

  • Oh Mama, I am so terribly sorry. I can't possibly express my sorrow effectively. Chris and I are thinking of you all with love in our hearts. I am so glad you have your Mom nearby. I wish you both  strength, peace, love and time to heal. 

    (This took me no less than 20 minutes to write... I really wish I was better with words.)

  • Oh My Friend... If I could wrap my arms around you and let you cry for days I would.  My heart is completely broken for you.  The emptiness you feel makes me so sad Dear Mama.  I'm sending so much love and healing to you.  I'm wishing for you to be surrounded in so much love.  I also hope for moments of peace to visit you.  My arms are wrapped around you... 

  • I don't even have the words.  I know nothing I could say can make the hurt better.  You, your husband, and your beautiful son Soren, are in my heart.  I'll say a great many prayers for your healing and your peace.  My heart breaks for you.  My heart is filled with sadness.  May you be wrapped in nothing but love now and forever.

  • i feel so much hurt and heaviness in my heart. i hoped so much for your new family. i am here for you and will be anytime, no matter what. all my love to you, friend and mother.

  • I am so very sorry mama. This is absolutely horrible.

  • I was so heartbroken when I got the email from your DH.  I am glad that you are living near your Mom for her to be able to provide you a place of solice.

  • huge sweet and very empathetic hugs from me....one year in front of you...

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