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I had meant to update for so long about life and the progressing pregnancy. Now I have to worst of all possible updates.

Our dear, beloved son, Soren Emery was born still at 39weeks 5days on Sunday, March 29, 2009. He apparently died a few days before labor began. Maybe at some point I'll be able to write out the full story of what happened. But my heart is so broken that I just don't know if I can ever put it back together again. I loved him so much and wanted him so much and waited what felt like an eternity.

He was 6lbs. 0oz., 18 inches long, with dark hair like his daddy. And just beautiful.

I am still in the hospital and supposed to be released today. DH and I are going to go stay at my mom's house for a few days until we feel like we can face going home.

I hate what this is doing to DH. I hate what this is doing to me. But more than any of that I  hate that the world will never know the sweet boy who grew for 9-10 months under my heart.

I feel so lost and broken and like nothing will ever be any good again.